


The Family Jewels

by happilyeveramber



Series: Dibs [2]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: A flustered failwolf, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Creeper Peter, Derek is a Failwolf, Established Relationship, Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M, Meet the Family, Meeting the Parents, but it's ok because stiles thinks it's cute, erica and lydia are sassmaster bffs, isaac is head over heels for cora, scott and allison make everybody throw up a little in their mouths, stiles and derek are disgustingly cute, stiles don't take no shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-08
Updated: 2013-09-08
Packaged: 2017-12-25 23:12:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/958745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/happilyeveramber/pseuds/happilyeveramber
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“So, you’re going to trade sex for meeting the family? Really?” Stiles looks a moment away from bursting out into hysterical laughter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Family Jewels

**Author's Note:**

> THIS IS PART OF A SERIES AND WILL MAKE MORE SENSE IF YOU READ THE FIRST ONE FIRST  
> Okay, so i started writing this in Derek's POV but then the end is in Stiles' POV???? idk don't kill me, i am literally running on adderall and diet Nestea right now.  
> also, there will definitely be another installment after this- after all, Stiles is really horny and they gotta do the sex sometime- and i'll probably play around in here later too. this is a fun AU (✿◠‿◠)  
> (also, sorry, there isn't much scott in this one)  
> reminder that i'm on tumblr [here](http://www.bisexualkitsune.tumblr.com/)

“Come on, Stiles, it won’t be that bad. They’re all just pretty much larger versions of me.” Derek winces at his word choice, but stays strong. He and Stiles had been dating for three months and the Hales demanded to meet Derek’s boyfriend- and wow, did Derek love that word.

“That sounds like it would either end terribly or in a huge Hale orgy on the floor with me in the middle,” Stiles replies stubbornly, licking ketchup off his thumb. Derek refuses to be distracted.

“Wait, how is the second one _not_ under the ‘ending terribly’ category?” Derek narrows his eyes.

Stiles shrugs. “Listen, honey boo-boo bear-”

“Don’t call me that. Ever.”

“You can’t not put out and then expect me not to fantasize about your probably hot family. That’s just not how things work.”

Derek rolls his eyes and scoffs. “Give me a good time when we could’ve had sex and I will tell you what is inevitably wrong with it.”

“That first night at my house.”

“Too soon. _Way_ too soon, Jesus, Stiles.”

“That night after dinner with my dad.”

“He gave us those condoms for a reason! He wasn’t giving us a free pass; he was just _daring_ me to defile you right there.”

“Right now?”

“ _Stiles_.”

“Oh, in the name of all that is holy, you two are talking about sex, aren’t you?” Erica rolls her eyes as she slides into her seat, Boyd right behind her, carrying both their trays. “I could smell the raging hormones from the lunch line, I had just hoped it was those idiots over there.” She juts her chin over to Scott and Allison, sitting right beside Stiles but seemingly in their own world.

“Why, hello, Erica. Lovely to see you, too. Oh, yes, I’m doing fine, thanks for asking,” Stiles returns sarcastically, chomping on his sandwich.

“Oh, can it, Stilinski, I just saw you forty minutes ago.” Erica grins before looking around. “Where’s Isaac?”

Derek looks around, frowning when he realizes the curly haired boy isn’t sitting with them. “I don’t know,” he says, feeling kind of guilty that he was so wrapped up in Stiles.

“Isaac?” Scott pipes up suddenly, moving his eyes from where they were staring at his girlfriend. “He’s talking to Cora.” He gestures over to where Isaac is, in fact, grinning wildly down at Derek’s little sister. Oh, God, no.

“Oh, great,” Stiles says, groaning. “We’re all pairing off. Now what will Derek do when I inevitably break up with him?”

Derek scowls at him before pulling him closer and nuzzling into his neck. “That could never happen.”

“Oh, my God, get a room if you’re just gonna stay G-rated. If I have to see anything, I want it to be some action, God.” Derek looks up at a grinning Erica, giving her the finger before burrowing his head back into Stiles.

“Oh, please,” Stiles says, raising his eyebrows at the blonde. “You and Boyd show more skin and PDA than an HBO show. Suck it up.”

“Well, at least me and Boyd are hot and don’t induce vomiting,” Erica huffs as Boyd smirks and wraps his arm around her.

“We’re hot, right, babycakes?” Stiles asks Derek, who nods against him.

“Don’t call me that, though,” he growls.

 

::

 

“I’ll have sex with you,” Derek says to Stiles abruptly.

Stiles makes a choked off noise and pauses the television. “What?”

“If you meet my family, I will have sex with you.” Derek is proud that his voice stays steady, considering his hands are shaking.

“How in the hell did Supernatural remind you of gay sex?” Stiles hisses, looking around for his father, who is, luckily, upstairs. “Wait… you know, I can actually see how you made that connection.”

Derek rolls his eyes. “Listen, you give me what I want and I’ll give you what you want.” _And what I want too, really_ , Derek adds on mentally.

“So, you’re going to trade _sex_ for meeting the family? Really?” Stiles looks a moment away from bursting out into hysterical laughter.

Derek huffs. “Stiles, you don’t know them. They won’t leave me alone! Every day it’s ‘ _oh, how was Stiles today?_ ’ or ‘ _who are you texting? Is it Stiles?_ ’”

Stiles smiles, leaning into Derek. “Maybe- now I know this is a wild idea, but hear me out- maybe they’re actually interested in your life. Which I am now a part of.”

Derek fights the smile that threatens to overtake his face at the last part. “No, Stiles, they are actual _demons_.”

“Not really helping your case, honeybunch.” Stiles raises an eyebrow. Derek kicks his foot in response.

“They probably won’t be to _you_ , but to me…” Derek trails off with a shiver. Stiles looks distinctly unimpressed.

“Are they all this dramatic?”

“My older sister gave me condoms last week. _At the dinner table_.”

“Guess it’s a hereditary trait,” Stiles shrugs.

“Just _one_ dinner,” Derek pleads. When Stiles bites his lip, Derek adds, “I will beg. _On my knees._ ” At Stiles’ smirk, Derek realizes how badly he worded that.

Stiles puts a finger under Derek’s chin and guides him closer. “You can bet your ass I’ll have you on your knees, Hale,” he whispers before kissing him roughly, grinning into it and biting at Derek’s lower lip.

Derek pulls away, groaning, but with his own grin. “So, does that mean you’ll come?”

Stiles heaves a put upon sigh. “I _guess_ so. But if you think I’m not going to immediately cash in on my prize afterwards, then you’re delusional.”

Derek smiles. “Well, you might want to wait until after we leave the dinner table. Otherwise, you might not make the best impression on my parents.”

Stiles widens his already huge eyes. “Well, we wouldn’t want your family thinking I’m easy, now would we?”

Derek smiles widely before pulling Stiles back in. “No, definitely not. That secret belongs to me and me alone.”

 

::

 

“How come the dorkstar over there is acting so jittery today?” Lydia Martin asks Erica, not even bothering to lower her voice as she glances over at Derek, who snarls in response. Lydia shoots him a distinctly unimpressed look.

“Romeo here is finally gaining enough balls to introduce Stiles to his crazyass family tonight,” Erica replies, equally as loud, smirking at Derek.

Lydia gets a devious look in her eyes. “Or at least his bedroom.”

Derek huffs. “I can hear you, you know.” He gets identical grins for his trouble. Those two were a terror together.

When Lydia had originally started gracing them all with her presence, Derek had been worried, knowing- as literally _everyone_ did- all about Stiles’ decade long crush on her. But, so far, neither of them had decided that Stiles deserved better and run off in the sunset together. Really, Lydia seemed to prefer not to acknowledge the crush at all, mostly just either gossiping with Allison and Erica or making fun of Derek and Stiles.

“Hello, my sweet potato,” Stiles greets Derek with a kiss to the cheek as he places his lunch tray beside him. Erica fake gags into her napkin.

They _really_ needed to have a talk about the pet names.

“So, Stiles,” Lydia starts and Derek groans internally. “I heard you were going over to Derek’s this afternoon.”

Stiles nods, looking confused as he swallows his pizza in three bites. Derek doesn’t know if he is impressed or disgusted.

“What are you guys eating for dinner?” Lydia asks too sweetly. “Hot dogs?”

Derek chokes on his water.

Erica grins widely. “No, maybe sausages?”

“With cucumbers?”

“Chocolate covered bananas for dessert?”

“Pickl-”

“Oh, my God, you two, we get it!” Derek snaps, exhaling deeply. The girls just keep smiling at him.

Stiles leans forward with a wink. “Chocolate isn’t the only thing that’s gonna be covering those bananas.” The ladies cackle, delighted that Stiles is playing along and Derek just cuffs him softly on the back of the head.

“Don’t encourage them.”

::

 

"Okay," Derek says at the door, anxiety coursing through him. "You know I lo- like you for who you are, but could you just tone down certain parts of you for tonight? This is the first time I've brought someone home and if it goes to hell, it will be held over my head for years." Derek pauses and then rushes to explain. "Not that _you_ would mess up! But my family will take anything you say and twist it and make it embarrassing."

Stiles laughs and pecks him on the nose for being adorably nervous. "Wait, how am I the first? Didn't you date Kate Argent for a while?"

Derek shivers at the name. "Yeah, but we were never serious enough."

Stiles smiles widely. "And we are?"

Derek freezes, mouth open. Stiles laughs.

"Calm down, okay? Shouldn't I be the nervous one here? I mean you've met these people before."

"Yeah, that's why I'm nervous," Derek mutters before opening the door.

There are two dark haired girls on the other side that Stiles recognizes as Laura and Cora. They back up with guilty smiles as Derek literally growls at them.

“Hi, Stiles,” Cora and Laura trill together. Cora is a freshman and Laura is now in college, but he’s seen them around. Plus, Cora seems to be all Isaac talks about lately.

“Hey, ladies,” Stiles greets easily, hoping to diffuse some of the tension in Derek’s shoulders. “What’s for dinner?”

“Just pizza,” Cora answers, starting to walk off. Stiles decides to follow her, because it’s not like he knows how to get around here. “Derek didn’t know if you had any allergies, so he wouldn’t let us make anything cool or impressive. But, he said he always saw you eating pizza.”

“ _Cora_ ,” Derek whines, like she had just read an entry from his diary. Stiles grins inside at how adorable he is.

Stiles playfully gasps. “No filet mignon? That’s it, we’re over.” All three Hales freeze at the same exact time and Stiles raises his eyebrows. “Guys, I was kidding.”

They immediately start to move again and Stiles sighs. This is what he’s got waiting for him.

“So, you must be Stiles,” a loud voice says and Stiles turns to see a tall woman grinning down at him. He guesses she must be Talia, Derek’s mother.

“Yes, ma’am,” he answers and then winces. He was trying to be polite, but he sounds like a dork. Great first impression.

“Oh, you can call me Talia,” she says with a wave of her hand. She turns to Derek and raises an eyebrow. “You took a while to pick him up. Did you stop for some fun on the way?”

Derek’s face turns bright red. “ _MOM_!” Stiles laughs, and then feels badly for it when Derek turns his wounded expression on him. He slips their hands together as an apology.

Stiles hears little pattering of feet and turns around only to be faced with _the most adorable little girl in the world_.

“Oh, my God, who are you?” He shrieks and crouches down, completely ignoring the fond look Derek shoots him and the amused looks the ladies share with each other.

“I’m Natalie,” the girl says, shyly tucking her hair behind her ears. “I’m five.”

Stiles beams. “I’m Stiles. I’m sixteen.”

Natalie’s face lights up. “Are you Derek’s Stiles?” She asks and Derek makes a suffering sound behind him.

“I think it’s the other way around. He’s _my_ Derek.” He shares a conspiring smile with the girl. “Did he ever tell you guys the story of how we got together?”

Derek groans. “Stiles tells that story a lot differently than I do.” Stiles turns to him with a smile, standing up and walking closer.

“Both versions include you stalking me like a creeper, right? And telling everybody about your huge crush on me except for me?” He laces Derek’s fingers in his own, loving the soft smile on his boyfriend’s face.

“Well,” Derek returns, looking down at their hands. “They both end with this too, so, I’m going to call it a win.”

“You’re just lucky I was desperate enough for your strange courting tactics to work.”

“ _Very_ lucky,” Derek agrees, nuzzling down into his neck. Stiles sighs happily. He was very lucky too.

“Oh, my _God_ , Lydia was right, you too are disgusting,” Laura says, fake-gagging. Stiles jumps back from Derek, having forgotten where he was. From Derek’s red face, he must feel the same.

Cora is snickering into her palm, but her neck is splotched red from blushing. Natalie crosses her arms and glares up at her older sister. “It isn’t disgusting, Law-ruh, it’s _romantic_.”

Laura rolls her eyes and looks like she’s about to respond, but closes her mouth when Talia puts her hand on her shoulder.

“That’s enough. They are very sweet and we are all happy Derek has found someone special. _Right_?” The girls look down and nod as Natalie smiles smugly.

“Now I see why Derek has such a soft and sensitive side. Surrounded by all these girls. I would pay you so much money if you would show me the obligatory photo of Derek in a dress.”

“Believe it or not, Derek gets his sweet side from his father,” Talia says, as Laura laughs and Cora seems to be thinking the offer over. Stiles definitely believes it.

Derek’s father turns out to be a quiet but firm man who meets Stiles’ gaze and smiles at him as he shakes his hand. So far, he’s the only one Stiles has seen Talia look at softly.

“Josh tried his best to be here, but he has an exam this week,” Talia informs Derek over the dinner table. At Stiles’ confused look, Derek mouths the words ‘big brother’.

“That’s fine by me,” Derek answers, crossing his ankle with Stiles’. “He’s never meeting any of my romantic interests until my wedding day.”

Stiles feels himself blush and he doesn’t know why.

On Stiles’ third slice of pizza, the door opens and a tall man with brown hair appears. Natalie immediately jumps out of her seat and runs to him with a call of, “Uncle Peter!”

“Hey there, princess. I just had to come when I heard Derek had finally found the love of his life.” The man’s eyes zero in on Stiles quickly. “And what a fine specimen, Derek, I am proud.”

Talia narrows her eyes as Derek tenses. “Careful, Peter, he’s underage. And you never did look good in orange or jumpsuits.”

Peter snorts as he throws himself into a chair next to Stiles. “Calm down, you’re going to give the boy the wrong impression.” He turns to Stiles. “Hi, there, I’m Peter. I am a very nice and loving uncle and I have never been to prison.” He pauses and then continues with a smirk. “Well, not for statutory rape.”

Stiles swallows and feels Derek clutch onto his hand. “Very nice to meet you. I’m Stiles Stilinski. You know, son of the _sheriff_?”

Peter laughs and then raises his eyes to Derek. “I like him; he’s got spunk. I would keep him close.” Even Stiles can hear the almost threat there.

“Funny, but last time I checked, it was the twenty-first century. Meaning, nobody needs to _keep_ me anywhere. I have legs and a very well-functioning mind. If I wanted to leave Derek, I would. But I don’t. So, I don’t think he has anything to worry about. Wouldn’t you agree?” He raises his eyebrow at the man, heart pounding, but feeling safe with Derek’s hand clasped around his.

Peter simply raises a corner of his lips, looking at their hands. “Yes, I think I would. Now, I would love to stay and get to know you better, but I’m afraid I have prior engagements. I hope you don’t think me rude.”

Stiles shivers. “Definitely not.” He watches carefully as Peter exits before turning to Derek. “ _Dude_.”

“I know,” Derek sighs, running his hand through his hair.

“Well, at least I found your one flaw early on. If you had waited, that would be entrapment.” Stiles grins at him.

Derek widens his eyes. “Wait, so you’re okay with that? With him?” Stiles chuckles, pressing his lips against Derek’s cheek.

“Oh, honey. Most people have a creepy uncle. Just because yours seems to have ramped it up a few notches doesn’t mean I’m going to break up with you.”

“I love you,” Derek blurts out, and it’s wrong, it’s so wrong, his whole family is there with them, Uncle McCreepsalot just left, they haven’t been dating for that long, but it’s _right_ too.

Stiles smiles and leans over to kiss him, remembering to keep it short and sweet for their audience. “And I, you.”

Derek’s whole upper body turns bright red and he turns to his amused mother. “Dinner was lovely, mom, but Stiles and I have to go up to my room and work on a book report.”

Talia doesn’t even mention how pathetic of an excuse that is, just smirks and nods her head in permission.

Derek tugs on Stiles’ hand and drags him up to his room, immediately throwing him up against the closed door.

“Book report, Derek, really? We’re not even in the same grade.” Derek wants to bite the smirk off his face.

So he does.

 

 


End file.
